can I have it when…

couragerockThe other night as I was cooking, Zoe was playing in the sink and asked if she could have my courage rock that sits on the kitchen windowsill.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s mine.”
“How come it’s yours?”
“Because it reminds me to be brave.”
“Why do you need it to be brave?”
“Because I have cancer and sometimes it’s hard to be brave.”
“Well, can I have it when…”
And here is where I brace myself because what’s coming next is what comes next all the time when she gives a friend something or asks to have something of mine it’s always “when you die” or keeping it “forever until you die” or something like that. So I stiffen while I’m stirring at the stove and she says,
“Can I have when you don’t have cancer anymore?”
“Yes, honey, you can have it when I don’t have cancer anymore.”
And I keep stirring. And she keeps playing at the sink. And eventually I go over and kiss her on top of the head. Because I can’t tell her how much I needed her to say that. And kissing her always feels like the right thing to do.

2 replies on “can I have it when…”

I’ve kissed that little head myself…and YES…it always feels like the right thing to DO!

Tash, YOU are the most courageous woman I have EVER met! And you do it with such Style and Grace.

When I grow up, I wanna be like YOU!

Our children can heal us in ways no one else can. What a blessing Zoe is… and what a blessing you are to her and to me.

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